Monthly Archives: November 2002

Life’s shit, but we deal with it.

It’s easy to forget just how lucky you are in life sometimes, life can seem cruel at times, sadistic, even downright shit. But it’s the shit times that make you realise just what you’ve got, I’ve got a loving family, and fantastically understanding partner in Dave, and supportive friends, who, regardless of the circumstances have stood by me while I pick up the pieces of a business relationship that went terribly wrong.

There are people, who at this moment in time will remain nameless who’ve come running to my rescue and stood by me in a way I never thought possible, there are others who’ve opened their hearts and given me advice and support… As much as it sounds like an Oscar acceptance speech, I’d like to pause and say thank you to all those people. 

New things on the horizon.

Well without wanting to put all my eggs in one basket, I’ve been offered a new job which would give me enough freedom timetable wise to allow me to carry on building my and dave’s new business venture, whilst keeping me on a decent salary at a blue chip firm. Can’t (and won’t) say much more than that till contracts are signed and sealed, but it’s all fingers crossed at the moment.

Body Clock

There’s a programme on radio 4 at the moment about the real possibilities of serious illness due to messing around with your body clock, apparently it takes up to an hour per day to catch up with your body clock (i.e. if you’ve done an 8 hour shift beyond your normal body clock it’ll take you 8 days to recover). Now that scares me, because my body clock has been totally screwed since I’ve been about 13, I’ve never been able to sleep properly during the night, much preferring to go to bed late and make it up in the morning: which doesn’t always go well with work, meetings and the like.

I tend to sleep till at least 9am on any day before I’m ready to actually do anything, and I tend to be completely useless in the morning, even if I am in the office, I’ll never get anything of any real importance (or anything that requires proper concentration) much before 10.30. I’ve never been one for taking a nap in the evening, I simply can’t do it, and I go to bed on an early night by about 1am, a late night for me is 3.30 to 4am which means on average I get around 6 to 7 hours sleep – How do you sleep, do you have mucked up body clocks, or are you one of these people that lives for getting up at 6am.

And so.

And so I stood for an hour and a half being bumped into by snotty business people, avoiding having my eyes poked out my golf umbrellas, getting very wet as the rain spitting turned to drizzle, and then on to heavy rain, it was once I was wet that the cold started to seep in, a cold that ached at every single joint, my back started to thud with pain, and it was all compounded by a couple of routemaster buses deciding to spray everyone with water… oh and he didn’t meet me, do I feel like making the pain go away with vodka, absolutely.

The Harrier

By sheer coincidence Meg was talking about an advert she’d seen for BAE Systems who said that the Harrier had made the world a safer place, and although I agree with her that the semantics of the advert are wrong, it’s the people that matter – it did start me thinking.

You see I’ve grown up around this aircraft, this aircraft has had an enormous influence on my life, my fathers been on Harrier squadrons since before I was born, and they’re the reason that I’m lucky enough to be so well travelled. When I was stupendously young we moved to Germany following the Harrier GR1 and GR3 with 3sqn to RAF Gütersloh, where Dad was promptly put on a ship and sent to the Falklands for an eternity to fight for the freedom of what is basically a hamlet on an island a million miles away from anywhere, when he eventually came back I was walking, talking, and my days of being a baby were gone. As the years progressed this aircraft was the symbol of my class at school, where all the classes we named after aircraft at the nearby base (so you had harriers 2H, chinooks 2C, pumas 2P and Rapier [which are missiles] 2R). My cub scouts were part of the squadron, we even carried the emblem of the harrier squadron on our uniforms, and it was the same at scouts…

In my time I’ve washed them, sat in them, been treated like royalty at air shows being able to get in them ahead of the queue, wherever I look in my past this aircraft is sitting smiling at me, they’re the cuddly little aircraft that bows at you, but they do have a darker side, the friends of the family killed in them when they crash, the people’s marriages that have broken up because the husband follows the aircraft around the world, it’s amazing what being in a forces family actually puts on a family in terms of stress. My Dad’s followed these aircraft from the Falklands to Belize, America, Canada, Norway, Italy, Kosovo, and most recently on the aircraft carriers around the world, but no matter how much this aircraft has taken my Dad away I still have a great soft spot for it, and a great pride that it’s my Dad who’s kept this aircraft going, who’s looked after the troops who service it, and works with the people that fly them… I’ve never considered myself a “forces brat” as so many force’s kids seem to jokingly call themselves, I just consider myself to be very lucky to have seen two decades of enormous change in the world through following this little plane around the globe.

I miss him

The fireworks have stopped, peace – or so I thought, it appears someone is burgling a house not a million miles away from here as there is a house alarm piercing my hearing like tinitus, wherever I am in the house it’s noisey, so I’m resigning myself to yet another sleepless night, having said that it was looking like a sleepless night before that started anway, I find it really difficult to sleep on my own, I’m looking forward to Dave coming home because I really miss him.

Bonfire Night

It’s the 5th of November, which is probably given away by the date above, if that didn’t give it away then the almost constant explosions of fireworks and bonfires all day might have. I’ve always been a great fan of Bonfire night, and this is the first time in what must be 20 years that I’ve not gone and seen at least one display of fireworks sometime over the period… although with the neighbours and practically everyone else in Canary Wharf seemingly having spent a small fortune on fireworks there didn’t seem to be a need to.

Speaking of dates, I’m considering removing, or maybe moving the dates on the site – going for meaningful titles with small dates, rather than huge dates and random entries… thoughts people? And why we’re on updates the comment images will appear soon, and a serious update to the way the comments work is forthcoming.

Blogger Pro – not all it’s cracked up to be.

I’ve just noticed that Blogger Pro (the pay for version of the ubiquitous blogging tool) actually limits the amount you can post as a paying user, but I can’t see any notice that standard users will have to pay if they go over posts of 100k within any one month period, normally I average around 50k’s worth of posting, so far this month I’ve used 24% of my allocated 100k, I think that’s rather unfair. I can see where they would be coming from if the user were using blogspot hosting, but when I’m using my own server, my own FTP, and my own money to use blogger pro – I think it’s terribly unfair to limit the amount I can post before asking me for more money.

I hate this kind of hypocrisy, the owner of Blogger used to link to “the end of free” a lot, something which blogger is rapidly becoming in danger of ending up in, it’s a bit like OUTintheUK.com which is another website that expects people to pay but doesn’t really give any reason to upgrade other than nag screens that disappear when you’ve coughed up your 25 quid. If you’re going to provide people with a “Paid” model of your site, then for god’s sake make it worth the users while… otherwise they’ll feel very cheated.

Talk about a con:

4.4 In the event that the site is unavailable due to scheduled maintenance for a period of more than 4 hours in any 24 hour period, all licences will be extended by one day. No refund or other form of compensation is available.

you might like to note that the statement above doesn’t cover all the times the site falls over, crashes, won’t log you in, is unavailable for hours on end, or grinds to an absolute stop so no one can use it… canny that don’t you think?

The BNP & Channel 4

Channel 4 are showing a documentary about the British National Party, don’t they know the old idyl that any publicity is good publicity, regardless of how they make these people out, good or bad, they’re still raising the profile of the BNP which has got to be a bad thing? I don’t remember them doing something like this for the Referendum party, or the Green party, or any other strange side parties (like the Tories – I bet you don’t know them!).

Ill and fucked off…

Gah I have a headache, I’d go as far as to say I have a pounding headache, it hurts, and those inconsiderate wankers on the council estate near my house have decided to blow up what is easily heading for a couple of hundred quid’s worth of fireworks. They’re letting off concussion mortars and some serious display blasts, where have they got the money for that and there sky TV… something doesn’t add up, it really doesn’t.

I’m falling apart, It’s stress, worry, and anger – oh and I can’t go to see my GP for 3 weeks, by which time I’ll be well again, so it’s not even worth my time booking an appointment, and as for those NHS walk in centres, no thank you, if I wanted to go sit in a waiting room surrounded by immigrants smelling of there own piss trying to rip of the receptionist for a methadone hit – well I’d go to a NHS walk in centre.

Apart from the pounding headache (which isn’t being helped by the inconsiderate wankers with the fireworks) I’ve got a stomach doing back-flips for no apparent reason, I don’t know whether it’s telling me that I need to eat (which I can’t be bothered to do) or whether I’m not well, I’d go for a touch of both. Add to that the recurring sickness, I’ve had that since just before I moved out of Oval, and it’s never gone away properly, every morning is the same, stomach cramps, just the thought of anything solid is enough to make my stomach do somersaults any time before 10.30am. I just want someone to cuddle at the moment, but the one I want isn’t here. I’m expecting the house to burn down next, that’d just make my day.